Azkaban...a place or a situation that is either miserable or just plain sucky. It is usually applied in terms of work, annoyances and sometimes a tragic situation.
Origins... I am unhealthy obsessed with Harry Potter. The third book remains one of the main reasons I have chosen to attempt a career in literature. The character development just floors me every single time I read it. Since the age of 16 that book has shaped so much of my life. One of the things that strikes me most is just how terrible Azkaban prison seems...even tho she never actually wrote a detailed description of what life in Az is like, but we see that everyone who leaves returns either insane or deeply haunted, and looking like concentration camp victims. The prison literally sucks every happy memory from their victims. Granted I have never been anywhere near as terrible as Azkaban but there are certianly several places/situations that make speakers of Sarahish feel pretty darn miserable.
Example: "I am in overdraft again! What an Azkaban!"
- Posted using the awesomeness of Salazar Slytherin!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Spring....Spring Nicht!
I wish I could post a more upbeat entry, and post more often but this month I have been so crushed with stress and anxiety that it just isn't possible. It is a little bit of everything. School work (although for the most part I really enjoy school.) my crappy dating life and lack of free time...but it is mostly work.
Over the past month or so I have gone from tolerating my job, lets just call it "The Krusty Krab" , to downright hating it. I have never ever had a promotion, I am never allowed a sick day, and they have been working me like a slave. I am not just doing a mans job...I am doing the job of three grown men. And I have seen buff, tall men cry and freak out while doing my job. I feel like a miner, like a sklave (slave), a servant, a faceless slug... lately I have been breaking down every day, several times a day with the workload that is thrust on me. They refuse to hire additional help.
I am thinking very Siriusly (haha, I am a such a Potter geek.) of begging my doctor for a medical leave of absence, at least for a week or two. I just don't know what else to do. Quitting is not a option because I desperately need the insurance and the income. But I have been hurting myself and contemplating suicide because I just cannot deal with my anger and frustration any other way. I hope if I can just have some time off than maybe I can heal a little bit.
Just in the past 24 hours I have thought of jumping off bridges, steering myself into fiery car crashes, cutting my wrists open the right way, drowning, dying of a plauge...
There is a Rammstein song named "Spring" (Jump) that describes exactly how I feel sometimes...actually it is about a guy who climbs a bridge and has second thoughts of killing himself, but a crowd has gathered below and is screaming for him to jump.
Heimlich schiebt sich eine Wolke vor die Sonne es wird kalt Doch tausend Sonnen brennen nur für dich Ich schleich mich heimlich auf die Brücke Tret ihm von hinten in den Rücken Erlöse ihn von dieser Schmach und schrei ihm nach...SPRING!
(A cloud moves in secret in front of the sun, it gets cold But a thousand suns burn just for you I creep onto the bridge in secret and kick him in the back from behind I redeem him from this shame and I scream to him...JUMP!)
But...as upset as I get I know that it is just my distress talking. I don't want to kill myself, I want to keep living. There is so much I haven't done yet, I haven't even been officially published yet! I haven't been to Germany or found true gothic love. I haunt been camping, or lived comfortably on my own, I haven't even properly seen the stars. I have to start thinking of all the little things I haven't done yet, and all the major things I haven't done.
In times of great distress I have relied on a spiritual guardian to help me, and now is no exception. Through dreams, feelings, symbols and even the occasional faint manifestation my guiding spirit helps me find strength and gives me the will to keep fighting. I think it is alot like Christians rely on Jesus to help inspire strength...well I am Wiccan, and do much the same with spirits and guardians.
After all...isn't Jesus the holy ghost?
This is where I relate to another German song, "Spring Nicht" (Dont Jump) by Tokio Hotel. This song helps calm me down, helps me think of my inner strength and spiritual path.
Ich schrei in die nacht für dich Lass mich nicht im stich, spring nicht ! die lichter fangen dich nicht die betrügen dich, spring nicht ! Erinner dich, an dich und mich die welt da unten zählt nicht bitte, spring nicht.
(I scream in the night for you Don't leave me alone, don't jump! the lights won't catch you up they are betraying you, don't jump! Remember you and me the world down there doesn't count Please, don't jump!)
So, ja...that is my life at the moment. It can mostly be broken down into German words, panic attacks and utter frustration.
I do have some hope...I tend to break down once a year or so, but I have been very lucky this year. I have alot more people around me who care for me and are trying to help me through this. I am praying hard to the Universe that soon the worst of my troubles will be over.
- Posted using the awesomeness of Salazar Slytherin!
Over the past month or so I have gone from tolerating my job, lets just call it "The Krusty Krab" , to downright hating it. I have never ever had a promotion, I am never allowed a sick day, and they have been working me like a slave. I am not just doing a mans job...I am doing the job of three grown men. And I have seen buff, tall men cry and freak out while doing my job. I feel like a miner, like a sklave (slave), a servant, a faceless slug... lately I have been breaking down every day, several times a day with the workload that is thrust on me. They refuse to hire additional help.
I am thinking very Siriusly (haha, I am a such a Potter geek.) of begging my doctor for a medical leave of absence, at least for a week or two. I just don't know what else to do. Quitting is not a option because I desperately need the insurance and the income. But I have been hurting myself and contemplating suicide because I just cannot deal with my anger and frustration any other way. I hope if I can just have some time off than maybe I can heal a little bit.
Just in the past 24 hours I have thought of jumping off bridges, steering myself into fiery car crashes, cutting my wrists open the right way, drowning, dying of a plauge...
There is a Rammstein song named "Spring" (Jump) that describes exactly how I feel sometimes...actually it is about a guy who climbs a bridge and has second thoughts of killing himself, but a crowd has gathered below and is screaming for him to jump.
Heimlich schiebt sich eine Wolke vor die Sonne es wird kalt Doch tausend Sonnen brennen nur für dich Ich schleich mich heimlich auf die Brücke Tret ihm von hinten in den Rücken Erlöse ihn von dieser Schmach und schrei ihm nach...SPRING!
(A cloud moves in secret in front of the sun, it gets cold But a thousand suns burn just for you I creep onto the bridge in secret and kick him in the back from behind I redeem him from this shame and I scream to him...JUMP!)
But...as upset as I get I know that it is just my distress talking. I don't want to kill myself, I want to keep living. There is so much I haven't done yet, I haven't even been officially published yet! I haven't been to Germany or found true gothic love. I haunt been camping, or lived comfortably on my own, I haven't even properly seen the stars. I have to start thinking of all the little things I haven't done yet, and all the major things I haven't done.
In times of great distress I have relied on a spiritual guardian to help me, and now is no exception. Through dreams, feelings, symbols and even the occasional faint manifestation my guiding spirit helps me find strength and gives me the will to keep fighting. I think it is alot like Christians rely on Jesus to help inspire strength...well I am Wiccan, and do much the same with spirits and guardians.
After all...isn't Jesus the holy ghost?
This is where I relate to another German song, "Spring Nicht" (Dont Jump) by Tokio Hotel. This song helps calm me down, helps me think of my inner strength and spiritual path.
Ich schrei in die nacht für dich Lass mich nicht im stich, spring nicht ! die lichter fangen dich nicht die betrügen dich, spring nicht ! Erinner dich, an dich und mich die welt da unten zählt nicht bitte, spring nicht.
(I scream in the night for you Don't leave me alone, don't jump! the lights won't catch you up they are betraying you, don't jump! Remember you and me the world down there doesn't count Please, don't jump!)
So, ja...that is my life at the moment. It can mostly be broken down into German words, panic attacks and utter frustration.
I do have some hope...I tend to break down once a year or so, but I have been very lucky this year. I have alot more people around me who care for me and are trying to help me through this. I am praying hard to the Universe that soon the worst of my troubles will be over.
- Posted using the awesomeness of Salazar Slytherin!
Lessons in Sarahish- Yaxley
Yaxley: an individual (usually male) or group of people that possess substandard intelligence. Their only goal in life is to consume, fuck and annoy.
Origin: This term has roots tracing all the way back to when the Harry Potter books were being released. My sister and I noticed that the Death Eaters kept multiplying dramatically, and we said they were "breeding like roaches". At the time I was in the middle of a move and was hoping none of the occasional roaches I once had would follow me home. One little guy did, I proptely named him "Yaxley" after a Death Eater in Harry Potter who fittingly enough grabbed onto Hermoine's hand and followed the trio to their hideout. Upon re-reading Harry Potter this year me and my sis started to refer to Death Eaters as simply "Yaxleys" and soon enough the term spread to mean horney creepy guys, and generally just anyone who annoys us.
Example: "I don't believe it! Another Yaxley started following me around after class!"
- Posted using the awesomeness of Salazar Slytherin!
Origin: This term has roots tracing all the way back to when the Harry Potter books were being released. My sister and I noticed that the Death Eaters kept multiplying dramatically, and we said they were "breeding like roaches". At the time I was in the middle of a move and was hoping none of the occasional roaches I once had would follow me home. One little guy did, I proptely named him "Yaxley" after a Death Eater in Harry Potter who fittingly enough grabbed onto Hermoine's hand and followed the trio to their hideout. Upon re-reading Harry Potter this year me and my sis started to refer to Death Eaters as simply "Yaxleys" and soon enough the term spread to mean horney creepy guys, and generally just anyone who annoys us.
Example: "I don't believe it! Another Yaxley started following me around after class!"
- Posted using the awesomeness of Salazar Slytherin!
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