For some reason...mostly at work, I have been feeling utterly, and crushingly lonely. Like bash my head against the wall and hang myself in the freezer lonely (not that I have done any of these things or entertained the thought for more than a few seconds.) My Facebook is rather quite, save for close few. My phone only plays the Mysterious Ticking Noise a few spare times a day. My email is flooded with receipts of my Itunes App purchases, but no real correspondence and I have deleted my contacts list so drastically that one scroll shows everyone.
For some reason or another, I have lost so many friends. Sometimes it was backstabbing, sometimes it was because they got a raging hard on for me, and sometimes we just never talked that much. I still have a couple of friends, and I value the ones I have, but lately I just can't help but to mourn my losses. In most cases I just didn't know how to be an adequate friend, and my attempts were painful and strained. I go through this every few months, periods of utter quite in my social life. I try not to take it too hard, I am borderline Autistic/Aspergers (although a "psychologist" said I am not...but he was also trying to grope me as he said so. Very credible, yes?) so socializing is always going to be a struggle for me.
But I just won't change my ways. Those friend who have stuck around my this long much see something wonderful in cold, loony Slytherin me. That must make them truly wonderful people, right?
I just....I really want more!!
- Posted using the awesomeness of Salazar Slytherin!
Location:Fort Worth,United States
1 comment:
I think I went through these lonely phases too but for years and years I really haven't. When a friend has a raging hard on, or they are lying backstabbers, etc etc and I have to do the big Dump Off I really feel next to nothing. Even in the hair school days when part of me was trying to fit in but my "Luna Slytherinism" was making that impossible I still didn't feel much grief about it. But this is probably because I have my Loaves, the Gryffindor, You, and Mom (although I have now lost Mom to the Dementia Patients). These are blessings... or maybe it is because I'm older or my soul is that much more split apart by a few too many betrayals.
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