"Well when you say it's gonna happen now, well when exactly do you mean? See I have already waited to long and all my hope is gone." - How Soon is Now, The Smiths
My feelings regarding love and romance can best my summarized by The Smiths/Morrissey these days. I feel sad, desperate and lonely....but utterly incapable of feeling anything but these things. Cold, broken, awkward and unlovable.
It has been almost three years since I have felt true, passionate and requited feelings for another man that isn't a work of fiction. Three long years wondering through The Wastelands in search of sustenance. There have been plenty of moments when I felt attraction to others, and plenty more that felt attraction to me. But my heart could never act upon these attractions. For whatever reason nothing has felt real, nothing has felt true. Nothing but my solitude. For whatever reason my black, shriveled core of a heart told me to STAY AWAY! RUN! RUN NOW! from every attraction that has been since the breakup.
Since my ex I have lost so much that I held dear about love and romance. There was a time when I simply knew that I would fall in love with someone who was my perfect companion. Now I have lost all confidence in my ability to find him, and all hope of him ever finding me.
Solitude is the kindest, and most comfortable lover I have known.
"I wear black on the outside, because black is how I feel on the inside."
4 comments:
You know, Morrissey for years pledged himself celibate.
kickass! :D Man I love that guy! I would pledge the same...if it wasn't for this damn Nagini that occasisional bites.
Well, it didn't last forever for Morrissey. Remember... this is the guy who sang about "explosive kegs between his legs". Ah, but he was/is a true Slytherin.
haha! I know and that is such an awesome line! :D
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